I think I’ve lost my mind..

There’s very few times I’ll write here about actual shit that has nothing to do with dolls. Brace yourself because today, is that day. I came home in a pretty weird mood. Not 100 percent annoyed and not 100 percent uber happy somewhere in between.

I was typing online, staring at my computer screen when I saw something move past my mirror, a person. From the presence I feel she’s a woman and it’s almost like I can see her in my mind. I don’t know who she is or what she wants..

Maybe I just need sleep.

But I go online to facebook and in the middle of everyone’s cool happy snipets of “facebook movies” (like a cool ‘movie’ of your shares and most liked pics and statuses through your years on facebook) I see a shocking story of an 11 year old boy that hung himself after being bullied for liking My Little Pony. I choked up from just the title and picture. I forced myself to read on. I can not believe in this day and age that the word gay is being used to degrade people. At 11 years old I liked all kinds of things. I owned She-ra AND all the heman figures and even he man play sets and vehicles. I owned GI Joe toys with Barbies and so many ninja turtles I can’t even remember them all. I loved playing video games with my brothers and had no interest in boys until I was about 17 years old. Why do we put so much pressure on children now a days? Why do we CONSTANTLY force boys to act as men and the men that were forced as boys to BE men make the rules on what a “man” is. At 11 years old you SHOULD be able to watch a my little pony cartoon without a care in the world because, you’re a child, and that’s what children do. But no. In this world, when you’re an 11 year old boy that likes MLPs you get bullied so much that you can’t take anymore and you hang yourself from your bunk bed.

Lets give this a few seconds to sink in.

You’re 11.

You’ve had enough of being made fun of being called gay because you fucking like a cartoon.

You decide in your small cute little head that’s suppose to be dreaming of talking turtles and what you ate for dinner becoming a mutant, you’ve decided to fashion a noose and hang yourself from your bed. Not from the bottom bunk, no the top because at 11, you know how to kill yourself properly.

Let’s let it sink in that this poor boy probably endured endless weeks of being made fun of that maybe he stopped watching the show even though he loves it, that he now knows being gay is a bad thing and something worth making fun of (I’m not saying he was gay) that he PROBABLY FUCKING GOOGLED HOW TO KILL YOUSELF BECAUSE WHAT FUCKING 11 YEAR OLD THINKS ABOUT HANGING THEIR FUCKING SELVES???

I’m sorry, I can’t. I just can’t. I was made fun of in high school. I wasn’t called gay but I was called fat and ugly. I had things thrown at me, I was told not to wear a skirt because it was making someone sick to look at me. I know how awful it is to have no where to go no one to tell to not be able to stop the feelings to look at the bright side not able to escape the voices in my head telling me enough is enough and I’d be better off dead.

This part of me prays for this little child, wants to break out claw through my skin to tell him please stay strong that it gets better. I want my soul to reach to his to hold his hand to whisper not to give up. To show those bullies he’s stronger than them!

It makes me so sad.

Scroll down a bit more already in tears and I see a story of an abused pitbull his face so badly mangled his eyes and face are covered in bandages and stitches.

I can’t take this world anymore.

Why do these people that do these bad things get to keep doing bad things and good people/animals die, get hurt scarred for life etc.

I just don’t fucking understand it and it kills me.

I’m going to snuggle with Aspen and try to nap *le sigh* please keep the little boy in your thoughts. And all little boys and all little girls and all women and men that go through the same thing over and over every day.

My heart and soul scream to you, please hear it. Things DO get better and ending it IS NOT the answer.


1 Comment

  1. Having had a lot of the same experiences in hs, & school in general, I do understand. I never once thought to kill myself at that young an age, but the sad fact is, today, MOST children are taught negative. I fear bringing a baby into the world of negative everything. I wish I knew then what I know now, though, & had the older me to teach younger me. You can’t change the world, but you can change the world of those around you one person at a time. Let them see you love them, & do remember that calling anyone names doesn’t make you higher, just lower.

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